Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Clinical Impression: Chest Pain and SHAAARRKKSSSS!!!!!!

This weekend I made a trip to the ER. On Sunday I was having trouble taking a deep breath and decided to go to a walk in clinic at the local pharmacy. Well, once I finally got to see the physician or nurse practitioner or physician's assistant, they made the determination that I was probably having acid reflux, but weren't willing to bet on it and decided that in order to keep their malpractice insurance they needed to send me to the ER. Well, after 3 hours in the emergency room and and EKG, chest x-ray, heart monitor and blood work, it turns out that I have... Drum-roll please!!!

Nobody knows. The diagnosis was "chest pain".

No shit. I could have saved my self a $200 ER co-pay and a lot of lost chest hair by staying home. While I was there they did manage to ensure that I didn't have something that would kill me immediately and discharged me with a referral to a cardiac specialist group. It is now Wednesday and I've still not heard back from them regarding the referral. I'm glad it wasn't urgent. Anyway, here are a few pictures of the adventure. I didn't upload the one with my shirt off showing all the EKG and heart monitor patches. There were 17 total. They were all stuck on very well. I am hairy. You do the math.

By the way. It is shark week on TV. The monitor cables were too short for me to change the channel in my room at the ER, so I had to watch two hours of people rating which shark is the worst to get ripped to shreds by as well as peoples first hand accounts of getting ripped to shreds by those very same sharks.

For the record, according to the show, the most badass shark of them all is the Bull Shark. Not only will it fuck your shit up in the open ocean, it will swim upriver in fresh water to get your sorry ass. So stay out of the water, they are coming for you.

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