Friday, February 02, 2007

Concessions of a Retarded Stripper.

First, let me preface this entry with an admission. I have what some have called a "mean sense of humor". They are probably right. It is not that I don't feel your pain, it is just that most human endeavors, when looked at from a cosmic scale are comedy. Tragedy devolves into irony and irony when looked at from the right angle becomes uproariously funny. Whether this is actually the case, or I have just fallen prey to my own bullshit, I will leave for someone else to decide. With that disclaimer out of the way, I will get down to the real purpose of this post. A while back the notion of a hypothetical "retarded stripper" started to strike me as funny. How would such a notion even occur to me? It all started with a somewhat involuntary interaction with and obviously drunk stripper. Her mush mouthed slurred propositions struck me as funny. My mind wandered and I eventually started thinking about a hypothetical retarded stripper. This concept made me laugh. Before you jump to judge me, just know that I'm not the only one. I know for sure that other people have laughed out loud at the idea. If you are one of those people who just don't see it as funny, maybe these three easy steps will help:

Step 1: Tragic Concept -- Retarded Stripper
Step 2:
Step 3: Comedy -- pee your pants laughing.

As you can see, it is quite logical. If I've already lost you I'm sorry. Maybe there are a few reruns of Full House that will grab your attention. Anyway, I thought the notion of a Retarded Stripper was so funny that it called for a website that told her tale. Named "Confessions of a Retarded Stripper", this site would be replete with humorous quotes as well as funny video of folks acting like a retarded stripper. Have I lost you yet? So, I went so far as to register a domain and put together a blog. It was at this point that my conscience started to catch up to me. Yes I have one. It might be small and under developed, but I'm not completely dead on the inside. Anyway, I decided that, much like masturbation, making fun of retarded people is something that should be done in private. Because of this, the site has languished and gone without my attention for a couple of months. Much like many of my other "Great Ideas"TM. I'd pretty much forgotten about the whole thing until a few days ago. It was as that point in time that I got something in the mail that grabbed my attention. It was a piece of bulk mail congratulating me on the opening my new business and offering to sell me all sorts of wonderful paper products. The funny thing is that it was addressed to Concessions of a Retarded Stripper. Maybe I will start selling peanuts and soda from the site. I'm sure that some aggregator harvested my address from the DNS registrations and just mass mailed me the packet. What I find funny is that somewhere, somebody took it upon themselves to change the spelling of one word to make it look like that domain was registered to a legitimate business.

1 comment:

Matthew Iverson said...

OO wansum peanutsth!?

Sure, how much?

Mrrurrgngnaaahhhnerneen nollars!