Sunday, December 11, 2005

If you don't buy a lapdance I'm going to kick you in the nuts.

For someone creeped out by strip clubs, I seem to be in and out of them a lot lately. My excuse this time is that it was my friend Stu's birthday and as part of the pub crawl that he'd arranged we were stopping off at Temptation next to the Cigar Box downtown. If you ever have a chance to go to the Cigar Box, do. The lounge singer Al Lota is drop dead funny. If you ever have a chance to go to Temptations next door, save your money. After a fairly full evening it is decided that we were headed to the place already mentioned. Out of all the people in our party, I'm immediately spotted as the target of attention by half the strippers in the place. Can they smell the desperation and discomfort? Maybe it is the deer in the headlights look that I have on my face. I don't know, but I certainly made a lot of people jealous with the attention that I got. Eventually one of the strippers, Fire was what she told me her name was, chased off the rest of them. She had me cornered. I kept saying, "I'm not interested". But every excuse that I came up with was countered with a slurred, she was blitzed, "You don't have to worry about impressing me, I'm going to impress you." My reply to that was, "Well, you're off to a pretty bad start." This went on for nearly 10 minutes. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but this chubby, stringy haired drunk stripper wouldn't leave me alone. "Look, I just want to sit here and have a drink with my friends and then leave. Can't you just leave me alone?" To that, she responded, "If you don't buy a lapdance I'm going to kick you in the nuts. Now it doesn't have to be from me, but if you leave here without buying a lapdance from somebody, I am going to kick you in the nuts". When I laughed at this, she got pissed and left to find a new victim.

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