Friday, October 20, 2006

ChildCare Action Project (makes me giggle)

I stumbled upon this site this afternoon and it was the cause of many giggles. I don't dispute their right to review movies for content and I agree with their assessment that the current (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC17) rating system is flawed. What I do have a problem with is their claim of impartiality. Read some of the reviews for yourself and tell me what you think. Here are a few things they find offensive (the parens are my comments and most of the incomplete sentences are theirs):

  • Nacho Libre
    • Impudence/Hate
      • "flatulence, repeatedly"
    • Sex/Homosexuality
      • "man pinching his buttocks together in tights to influence/entice a woman"
      • "attention to posterior"
      • "below navel skin threatening to expose that which follows"
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
    • Sex/Homosexuality
      • "sexual innuendo about a little girl not touching a male squirrel's anatomy"
  • Dogma
    • Impudence/Hate
      • "facial piercing" (WTF?)
      • "flatulence"
      • "series of pity me because I'm black"
  • Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
    • Offense to God
      • tale of man not being the most intelligent life on Earth
      • claiming man is an ape descendant, repeatedly
      • Darwinism
  • How To Eat Fried Worms
    • Impudence/Hate
      • lots of energy spent on vomiting
  • It's A Wonderful Life
    • Wanton Violence/Crime
      • near drowning
      • light adult tantrum
      • adult tantrum before children
    • Impudence/Hate (I)
      • meanness
      • mischief
      • lie to keep bad news to self
  • Meet the Fo...s (They can't even spell out Fockers)
    • Impudence/Hate
      • "man on commode"
      • "Always question authority"
  • Monsters Inc
    • Impudence/Hate
      • little white lies to protect
    • Sex/Homosexuality
      • implication of nudity
      • crotch hit (what kind of freak considers this to be sexual?)
  • Napoleon Dynamite
    • Impudence/Hate
      • drawing of flatulence
      • five uses of the euphemism for the most foul of the foul words (WTF does that mean?)
      • two uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary (that statement alone contains two and three of the same)
  • Office Space
    • Wanton Violence/Crime
      • a death to heart attack (How is this violence or crime?)
    • Sex/Homosexuality
      • gamming -- maximizing exposure of upper legs in a dress while sitting (Oh My!)
      • pornographic background music (what makes music pornographic?)
    • Offense to God
      • hypnotherapy to alter character and integrity (WTF?)
  • Abre los ojos (Open Your Eyes) -- Foreign language version of Vanilla Sky
    • The reviewer couldn't be bothered to finish the movie because it was subtitled:
    • Open Your Eyes (R) was a subtitled movie and the CAP Entertainment Media Analysis Model does not lend itself well to subtitled movies. The CAP Model requires the Investigator to annotate the findings for input to a computer application which generates the scoring and influence density. While this system of recording findings is well suited for non-subtitled movies, in the sometimes incredibly fast pace of presentation of ignominy, the Investigator cannot afford to lose the time or attention it takes to read the subtitles. However, when subtitled movies come out on video tape, which enables pausing of the movie to record findings, the CAP Model can be well applied. I will offer that which I was able to gather in the few minutes I was there. No scoring had been computed.

      The first scene was one of a nude male in bed (covered), followed soon by his nude paramour (partial nudity). Foul language, including the most foul of foul words, was printed to the screen. Constant in the first few minutes was a strong theme of malcontentism. That is all I can tell you about "Open You Eyes."
  • The Passion of the Christ (I include these because the wording makes me laugh)
    • Wanton Violence/Crime
      • continued beatings/whippings of our already mutilated Lord
      • kicking our near-dead Lord
      • hand/foot impalement with spikes (I bet he was surprised to see that)
      • spear impalement with exudates (exudates? blood maybe)
    • Impudence/Hate
      • flash nudity, clearly non-sexual but nudity nonetheless (clearly)

What I find most funny is the notion that flatulence and face piercing are examples of impudence and hatefulness and that nudity while depicting the asskicking that Christ recieved before he died is clearly not sexual when in any other movie it would have been categorized as sexual. How I love the prudes. They make me giggle.


Matthew Iverson said...

I'd love these standards applied to the content of the Bible. Incest, fratricide, mass murder of children...oh my fragile little mind!

Shirley said...

They seem obsessed with sex. They see sex everywhere. Sex Sex OH MY GOD HE SAID NUT!

Anonymous said...

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

* Sex/Homosexuality
o "sexual innuendo about a little girl not touching a male squirrel's anatomy"

I must of watched that movie a dozen times and not ONCE did I ever find that squirrel part sexual. ROFL. I do find Mr. Wonka creepy and reminds me of Michael Jackson but I don't remember squirrel Genital.